#8 You Want to Build What?!

Ah yes. China, that globally celebrated lighthouse of liberal values, transparency, free speech, human rights, and cuddly ethical governance, has finally, after nearly seven years of trying, been granted permission to build its new mega super ultra embassy here in London. Because obviously that’s what we were missing. Not affordable housing. Not safer streets. Not functioning public services. No. What London really needed was a 13.6-acre diplomatic Death Star operated by a surveillance state.

And this is happening despite serious security concerns raised by pretty much everyone who isn’t asleep at the wheel.

We’re talking MI5, GCHQ, MPs from both sides of the political divide, Tower Hamlets Council, international allies, and even US lawmakers, all waving massive red flags and shouting variations of “This is a catastrophically stupid idea.”

But sure. Crack on. What could possibly go wrong?

The concerns aren’t exactly subtle either,

Security risks.

Sovereignty issues.

Intelligence threats.

Espionage.

Foreign influence.

And the teeny tiny footnote of China’s long, proud, and well-documented history of surveillance, coercion, digital spying, and human rights abuses. Just minor details. Really nit-picky stuff.

Now, before I fully combust, let’s look at the actual facts about this embassy.

First: the size.

It’s not big.

It’s not huge.

It’s not “wow that’s massive.

”It’s 13.6 acres big.

That’s nearly ten times larger than the current Chinese embassy. This isn’t an embassy, it’s a fortified micro-state. It’s less “diplomatic mission” and more “sovereign intelligence theme park.”

Second: the rooms.

There are 208 secret rooms.

Not offices.

Not meeting rooms.

Not storage, secret rooms.

Plus, a hidden chamber. Why? What for? What purpose?

China won’t say and the UK government won’t explain because they don’t know despite repeated requests from a part of the UK Government with at least some semblance of common sense. And we only know they exist because The Telegraph got hold of un-redacted architectural plans, (how I’d love to know) because transparency apparently now relies on journalists doing the job of the state.

So to recap:

A foreign authoritarian state…

With a proven track record of espionage…

Building a vast complex…

With hundreds of secret rooms…

And hidden chambers…

In the capital city of the UK…

Next to key infrastructure…

While our intelligence services are screaming internally…

And our government responds with the political equivalent of a shrug and a clipboard.

This isn’t governance. This is national security cosplay.

And the question that simply will not go away is. Why?

Why, given China’s decades-long history of spying on adversaries…

Why, given its documented cyber operations…

Why, given global intelligence warnings…

Why, given allied concerns…

Why, given the scale, secrecy, and design of this building…

Why, given the geopolitical climate…

Why would any sane government look at this and say:

“Yes. Absolutely.

208 secret rooms?

Hidden chambers?

Enormous footprint?

Intelligence service objections?

Global alarm bells?

Sounds fine.

Rubber stamp it.

This isn’t diplomacy, it’s institutionalised naïveté with a planning permit.

At best, it’s reckless incompetence. At worst, it’s strategic negligence. Either way, it’s the political equivalent of leaving your front door open, putting up a sign saying, “No CCTV”, and inviting a professional burglar in for tea.

And the most astonishing part? We’re all being asked to pretend this is normal. It’s routine, administrative and boring. No, really, you’d be bored shitless.

Just another planning application.

Just another foreign embassy.

Just another day in London.

Because apparently in 2026 Britain, “national security risk” is just a mild inconvenience, and “foreign intelligence threat” is a box you tick on a form before approving 13.6 acres of geopolitical insanity.

Frankly, if this were a Netflix plotline, people would call it unrealistic.

So, we come back to the question. Why?

Well, for what my two penn’orth is worth, which, judging by recent leadership standards, is probably more than the entire Cabinet’s collective grasp of economics, here it is.

Shit-For-Brains Starmer and Rachel Thieves have so comprehensively, enthusiastically, and ineptly fucked this country’s economy that he’ll now do anything to slap a fresh coat of PR gloss over the smoking wreckage. And mark my words, a pound to a pinch of shit, when he waddles back from his little diplomatic jolly to China next week, he’ll be practically yodelling from the rooftops of Westminster about a “landmark”, “historic”, “transformational” trade deal that’s apparently just around the corner and will, naturally, pour billions into the British economy.

Cue the fanfare. Cue the buzzwords. Cue the obligatory photographs of smiling men in suits shaking hands while the rest of us wonder which cupboard the skeletons have been shoved into this time.

National security? Meh.

Sovereignty? Inconvenient.

The safety of the UK? Details.

Because when you’ve already fucked the economy, what’s one more strategic compromise between friends? The smarmy little shit needs good headlines. He needs something shiny to wave around. He needs to look decisive, competent, statesmanlike, anything other than what he is.

So yes, roll out the red carpet, clutch the talking points, and sell it as “pragmatism”. Just don’t insult our intelligence by pretending this is about prosperity. It’s about damage control. It’s about distraction. And it’s about desperately trying to drown out the sound of an economy wheezing on the floor while someone insists everything’s fine because China said so.

Make no mistake, that’s why this dangerous and quite ludicrous decision was made.